The Freeway Ride IV: 101 to 110

Another Freeway Ride in Los Angeles in the spirit of Crimanimals.

"The Acura LA Bike Tour" 03.02.08

Once a year, over twenty miles of the Los Angeles roadways are blocked off to vehicular traffic to allow cyclists to dominate our city's poorly maintained streets for 'The Acura LA Bike Tour'. At around 5am, cyclists began creeping out of their homes and exiting freeway ramps with their bikes on racks (tisk, tisk) to get ready for the ride. The crowd of cyclists was as diverse as the types of bicycles in the tour. Tandems, tall bikes, mini tall bikes, road bikes, touring bikes, mountain bikes, single-speeds, fixed gears, beach cruisers, recumbents, sports wheelchairs, cyclocross, bmx, and tricycles. The route began at Exposition Park near USC and headed toward Downtown LA, East LA, Koreatown, Mid-Wilshire, and back to the beginning.

Some Los Angeles based bicycling crews were gearing up for the bike tour starting as early as Saturday night and early Sunday morning. L.A. Fixed took the early bird approach to avoid the crowd and began the route at 3am. And while they had the blockaded city streets to themselves, they missed out on the exhilaration of being surrounded by a ocean of cyclists, riding east as the sun rose and warmed their face. The Midnight Ridazz took the "one of us" approach by beginning at 6am with the herd of thousands of cyclists. One cyclists pulled a trailer with a sound system and a playlist so good (Joy Division, Talking Heads, Gang Of Four), that you forgot that you had been up for over twenty-four hours waiting for the bike tour to begin. The Los Angelopes garnered the most adoration and attention with their unique, colorful, and innovative home-made bicycles. Crowds that stood on the streets to support the cyclists with cheers, signs, and cups of water cheered even louder when a Los Angelopes tall bike or mini tall bike rode by. It was as though we had a new governor of California and he or she were passing out certificates for free health insurance. The crowds loved it!

Other bizarre, unusual, and/or unpredictable incidents that occurred during the Acura LA Bike Tour & LA Marathon was the dangling of donuts and handing out of beer to the participants by The Cacophony Society of Los Angeles. And an embarrassing LAPD officer threatened to ticket a cycylist for 'vandalism' because they were cheerfully offering "Free Green Mustaches!" to other cyclists at the finish line, who were enthusiastically consenting to the face painting. Only in LA.

'Bike Everyday!' Tom Blanchard's MFA Show

This Tuesday I rode the bus thirty two miles to Claremont Graduate University to be a spectator at Tom Blanchard's MFA show titled 'Bike Everyday!' Little did I know that I, or my bicycle, would become part of the spectacle. His conceptual art piece was our bicycles collectively parked for display in an empty gallery with a golden alarm clock on the floor in the middle of the room. We were informed of a choreographed plan when the alarm clock rang, but until then it was the standard socializing and consumption of frosted meat cakes, vegan cheese dip, salsa and tortilla chips, Cap 'n Crunch cereal, and sour licorice candies.

With all the bicycles in the room, it was becoming inevitable that I would decide to ride one, so I chose the folding bicycle, strategically parked next to the alarm clock. I managed a haphazard and squirrely ride through the crowd and the building's galleries. Another activity popped into my head as I noticed the fortuitous echoes produced in the gallery and attempted to slowly start a musical jam session. I rhythmically banged together two empty soda cans and screamed the words 'Dan-cing, on the floor!' People left the scene at first but then suddenly we became the new spectacle and the crowd grew. People began dancing and screaming through mega-phones, while percussive sounds were being created by helmets and stomping feet. It's easy to get lost in a moment such as this, but I do remember a huge camera being shoved near my face several times and beer splashing all over my arms and on the floor.

And finally the golden alarm clock went off at 8pm and signaled our departure thirty two miles back west, toward downtown Los Angeles, leaving empty the once bicycle filled gallery.




(Photo courtesy of mr. rollers)

bike punk'd

I was parked outside the roxy one night and when i returned from the valet bike parking, i had noticed something very peculiar about my bike, which immediately set me into panic mode the closer i got to mybluebike. two copies of la x-press were placed in my front spokes where my spoke cards usually hang out, and some other random xxx flyers in my back spokes... and my spoke cards decided to shimmy on over to the back and hang out with the xxx flyers. then the clever bastards moved my "I heart my bike" bell to the center of the handle bars and concluded by branding my nice rack with a bikerowave flyer! you bastards! i shake my fist in the air at you! reveal yourself! come forward! show yourselves, or no cubby snacks for you!


pre-vandalization: my bike being spotted by eagle eye, kieron...


pre-vandalization prep: eagle eye marks his territory where my lady parts frequently come in contact...


vandalization in progress: creativity strikes the vandals as they turn to a los angeles pornographic publication for assistance...


vandalization completed: vandals are proud animals for they believe in their work and flaunt it!

and it was also rumored that one of the vandals suggested urinating on my bike...
(hint: yellow shirt)